College, Cold Cuts & Cars

My junior year in college I decided I needed a "kick ass" summer job--something totally cool and fun. Something different.  But what?  I perused the papers and want ads, there was no Monster.com or Job Boards back then.  It was all paper and word-of-mouth.  One day while walking across campus, I noticed a flier that caught my eye....Oh My God!  THIS was exactly the kind of extreme summer gig I was looking for.......an audition to drive the Oscar Mayer Hot Dog Car across the country and work PR at events!  Are you freaking kidding me!?!?!?!?  I was going to land this job AND I was going to be the best wiener car driver EVER.  Bring it!!!!!!!

I went to the first interview and nailed it.  I was carefree and fun with just a hint of silly....I had the judges in the palm of my hand.......suckers.  Time went on and the competition grew more intense.  I ended up in the final round...it was coming down to the wire....I was even practicing my acceptance speech: "I'd like to thank you all for this opportunity, on behalf of all hot dog-eating Americans, I promise to serve you well and make you proud.  GOOOOO Oscar Mayer!"  This was in the bag.

It came down to me and another girl named Roxanne.  Guess who won.  Foxy Roxy.

I was completely devastated.  And really irritated!  I mean, seriously, I was the All American girl, the cheerleader, the one who really ate hot dogs when this chick was probably taking diet pills.  This whole set-up was completely bogus and I felt so inadequate.  Her hair was bigger (it was 1989), her boobs were bigger, even her smile was bigger.....I just couldn't measure up.....literally......36-24-36.....the girl rocked it from here to there and everywhere...

But really....when it was all said and done...my worry and fear was not about her physical appearance over-shadowing mine....it was about the fact that I couldn't even get a job driving a wiener car.......how would I ever make it in the real world?  That was the last hot dog I ever ate.