No Really.......Hit On Me.....PLEASE!!!!!!

So I'm checking out in the grocery store this weekend and get to talking with the mommy in front of me.  We are yapping about this and that, when all of a sudden I feel a "WHACK" on my rump.  I quickly turn and find this woman's 5-yr-old son standing there with a DVD case and smiling an impish grin. 

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry!  I don't know what to say--this is so embarrassing," she shrieked as she looked at her son with shame. "Are you kidding? That's the best thing that's happened to me all day...I LOVE it!" I exclaimed.  And I wasn't joking. 

As I continue to climb towards my mid-forties, I've decided that any and all external affirmations (even lewd gestures) are not only welcome but earned. That's right, baby...I said it...I should be worshiped!!!  For nothing else, I want recognition for all the sweat equity I've put in. In fact, I want to be known as a MILF and my future goal is to become a cougar....and if any of you young boys make googley eyes at me and then follow it up with a "ma'am" I'm going to cream your face.

I've spent the last 30 years dieting, exercising, bleaching, waxing, hi-lighting, perming, straightening, plucking, make-upping, and now botoxing...I want to see the ROI and I'll take it in the form of a compliment please: appropriate, inappropriate, male, female, transgendered, disfigured troll.......it doesn't matter. The messenger is insignificant...it's the message that matters.

It is YOUR job to make ME feel good....stop being so selfish.