When I was young, we all received spankings and/or were sent to our rooms--punishment was pretty black and white and it didn't raise the questions or arguments about discipline philosophies that are so prevalent today. There were not a million books on parenting that sent so many mixed messages on the proper way to cultivate a child. Book titles like: How to Raise a Boy Who is Confident, Aware and Strong...But Not Too Strong Aware or Confident or Empower Your Daughter to Take Charge and Kick Ass Without Being an Ass Kicker. During pregnancy and my kid's toddler years, I read many books and they made my head hurt with fear and worry. It was as if every single book or publication was sending me a direct message: "Kelly you are the worst mother of all time and everything you are doing and plan to do will fail. Good luck, Sista'!" I was so whipped by the endless lists of everything I was doing wrong-- I just quit reading.
I'm old school when it comes to discipline, I suppose. I want my kids to grow up to be respectful, generous, loving and confident. Listen to others and always help when you can. In my quest to achieve this, I have tried various methods and philosophies: positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, just plain ol' enforcement,grounding, rewards, taking away privileges, direct communication, indirect communication, dirty looks, counting to 10 before I speak so I don't yell, yelling my bloody head off, crying, hiding in my closet so I don't go postal, and the list goes on and on.
I haven't found one specific answer that works.....each parent has to create their own hybrid of discipline...a little of this mixed with a little of that......and the recipe for building a well-behaved child is always changing....
Lately, because I've been so busy and my kids are older with more independence, some of my tricks are no longer working or they just aren't buying my threats. How have I remedied that, you ask? Easy. When my kids are doing something that positively drives me mental, I directly say, "I'll give you 20 bucks if you stop doing that right now." Works like a charm!
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