In our quest for food, we managed to force our way through the unruly crowd to the terminal snack bar. When we finally found the end of the line, we dropped our bags and did all we could to keep our kids from falling apart at the seams....they were hot, hungry, cranky and fussy...and I was in need of a stiff drink. Or a lobotomy.
We were in line behind a Tibetan Monk who I couldn't stop staring at. He wore the traditional robe, shaved head and all that jazz, but he had on Air Jordans and was going techno bananas on his Blackberry. Was he allowed to do that? What was he looking at? Downloading Gregorian chants from iTunes? Who knows. It was weird. More importantly, his sense of calm and inner peace irritated the shit out of me. While I was sweating and anxious, he smiled freely, moved slowly with ease, and I'm pretty sure he merrily whistled a few times. I couldn't stand this man. While silently cursing this spiritual soul, I was suddenly distracted by the next guy in line...
If the monk embodied all that was quiet and pure, the guy in front of him embodied all things loud, repetitive and stupid. He was, in a word, a dipshit. His constant yapping was exhausting and he was really loud.....he was also a finger-poker...."Hey buddy, you're up," he said as he jabbed the poor fellow next in line. "Let's keep the line going fella', we are all ready for some grub," he roared. He looked around at us as all and continued, "Am I right or am I right people....Geez what a nightmare this is.....I'm supposed to be in Denver by 2pm...like that's gonna' happen...."
"Oh. My. God. Just shut your effing stupid piehole, order your food and keep on truckin'," I huffed to myself.
When blockhead finally got up to order, the poor girl at the snack bar nervously looked at him and said, "Would you like this strawberry danish or the bag of Lays?" Her poor hands were shaking "I'd like the nachos please and a Coke." "No...sir...you don't understand...this is all we have left. That's it: the danish or the chips." I looked at the two items in stock and decided I'd rather eat my entire case of Altoids. The danish looked like it had been inside of a shoe--it was all wadded up and wet looking. The bag of chips was completely smashed. "Oh, right....then I'll just take a hot dog." This dumb-ass continued on and on and on, ordering items that were long gone until he finally took BOTH the danish and the chips. My kids watched as this chump downed the chips right in front of them and then washed it down with the slimy danish--they cried and screamed as they reached for the empty packages--it was worse than that scene in Sophie's Choice when Meryl Streep has to leave one of her kids behind. There was no calming them down and we had no food. By this point, I had turned into "Crazy Mommy" and I would have taken down an elderly person if I thought they had a candy bar or something to eat.........
to be cont'd.......
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